The Old Days

I'm feeling compelled to write about the old days. Nostalgia. What could've been.

Specifically, I referring to that first crush. You know, that awkward early knowledge that your interest in this girl is different than it used to be. Nine year old boys don't know much about tact so they act. My act was to hug this girl in front of everybody in our 3rd grade class. The memory is hazy but I think she blushed, people laughed and I ... was a bit proud of myself. Her recollection could be quite a bit different and really, I'd like to know if it is.

In any case, I've found this girl. 30 years after the fact. I found her on the mighty interweb. I even sent her an ill conceived note to say "hey, do you remember the kid who hugged you in the 3rd grade?"... So far, no response. Though, oddly, expecting one.

But now, I'm quite bothered. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of "what if" and "how come". Here I am, happily married and I've dredged up memories about a girl 30 years removed from my life who probably has no recollection of me. What is it all about? She's single, that could've peaked my interest, but I'm not single. I think it's just her. I saw her and I was nine again. Looking at her with innocent eyes, with the wonder of her just being different than other girls who were just not boys. I've not felt that way in a long long time. And she looks just like I remember her looking.

Before she was my first crush we were neighbors. I remember we discovered a dead bird in the lot next to her yard. She told me not to touch it. So, I'm pretty sure we poked it with sticks.

So, that's where I'm at. Sort of worried about what some poor girl thinks about the weird kid that made a fool out of her in front of her 3rd grade class. And wondering why I care, 30 years later.